Testifying of the Atonement

 When I arrived back to Utah and landed at the SLC airport, I took my sweet time because I didn't want to believe I was done being a missionary. Every other missionary was rushing to see their families and were really happy. I was not. I was in pain. I was afraid what my family would think of me. Getting that big hug from my mom was just what my soul needed. I just saw her 3 months prior, but it seemed like forever. The first thing she said to me was, "Laurel, we are so proud of you." 

Those words is what my aching soul needed to hear. I love my family and the love they showed. Not many people knew I was coming home. It was obvious, because of the looks they gave me. Back then there was a stigma of "if a missionary comes home early, something must be wrong with them. Have they sinned? They must be unworthy." Let me clarify that stigma comes from people's thoughts and opinions and is not from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Growing up acting, I got good hiding my pain. I was always smiling and acted like everything was great. So I did just that. A homecoming is a celebration for the returned missionary and they get to talk about their experiences to the local congregation. I didn't even have a homecoming. It hurt that I was treated differently just merely coming home early. Luckily people are now open to the reasonings behind a person returning home eaarly. 

For the next 5-6 months, I would be asked by the leadership to share my thoughts in church to different local congregations (wards). I would often testify of Christ and His sacrifice that He did on behalf of everyone that has ever lived. People would come up to me and say how strong I was. I just smiled like I always do and said thank you knowing very well I wasn't the strong one. I wanted to, but I felt I was spiraling down fast.